You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
