actually, I'm a sock model
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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