I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
