i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
