I have demons in me.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
