Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
two words: eviction party
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
