So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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