I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
