I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
