Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
