we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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