Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
