I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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