You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
