You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
