bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
