If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
