if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
