Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
