I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
