Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
