Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
