Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
