tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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