My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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