So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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