apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
