i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
