i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
