erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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