Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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