Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
