he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
