he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You ruined the universe
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
