We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
