i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
