i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
