i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
