i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
