Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
