She's JV to your varsity
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
