Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
