3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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