we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
There r osticjed everywhere
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
