He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
