I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
