I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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