Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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