Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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