Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
