Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize