dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
