I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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