We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize