He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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