my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
