Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
