I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
