He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
