i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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