So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize