those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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