Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
