didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I fill condoms, not promises.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
