that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
