your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
