that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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