I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
