so that wasnt chicken after all
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
