miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
