I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Randomize
