This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
