and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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