She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
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