Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
