Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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