It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
