spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
No subtext here. People are naked.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
