My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
