I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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